Well apparently he's into motor boating.
i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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