I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
Randomize
