Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
He felt like a one man threesome
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
i now understand why vodka
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
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