I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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