I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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