Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
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