How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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