You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
