So drunk, too bad you don't want this
So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
