Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
Randomize
