Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Randomize
