it's too hot outside to masturbate.
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Randomize
