id be glad to
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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