I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
