I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
Randomize
