Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
Randomize
