After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
Randomize
