sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Randomize
