i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Randomize
