you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
Randomize
