i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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