So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
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