Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
