i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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