before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
why do cheetos always look like penises
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
Randomize
