if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
Randomize
