So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
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