i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
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