i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
Randomize
