I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
well, you know. whores of a feather.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
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