you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
Randomize
