I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
