So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
even my farts smell like vagina
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
Randomize
