Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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