i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
