So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
Randomize
