maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
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