I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
Randomize
