you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
