ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
