Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
Randomize
