Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
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