There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize