just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
I'm passing your future prison.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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