Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
