cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
that is very illegal...i love you.
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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