I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
Randomize
