while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
