Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
Randomize
