is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
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