Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
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