But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
Four minutes until I can fart!
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
We left an ass print on the piano.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Randomize
