Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
Randomize
