I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
Randomize
