Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
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