if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
I think your dad took our porno
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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