You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
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