he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
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